The Weight of Weight

Whelp, I finally decided to face reality on Thursday and did the unthinkable…I weighed myself. I am pissed at myself and I knew I would be. I have gained 35 pounds since I became jobless on March 23, 2011. Well, to be more precise probably since June because I did weigh myself when I first moved to VA in May and I actually had lost 5 pounds since March but that was probably because I was stressed out so much and sick all the time. I am comfortable at or below a certain weight and this isn’t it. I actually thought it was going to be more of a weight gain but 35 pounds was bad enough.

This is what happens when you have a job where you are always on the move from like 7:00am until 11:00pm or more sometimes. Then you factor in the 3 mile a day trail hike but now don’t do anything it becomes a recipe for disaster.  Also I was always stressed, nervous, and nauseous. I’d eat lunch and would promptly puke it back up. Not exactly healthy either but alas now I don’t do anything but read. Throw in some TV and you have 35 pounds. Let’s not forget the crappy self-esteem that was made so much worse by not having a job anymore.

When it comes to the food part of this puzzle it isn’t that I eat badly but I probably don’t eat enough. Sometimes I’ll go days and only eat one meal or than eat three meals a day and overdo it on those days. I would say my biggest downfalls are the soda and then the lovely beer. I had all ready started to correct the drinking issue. I have had only one beer in the last month and a half. On Wednesday I did crack out on a bottle of red wine and got blitzed knowing that I was going to weigh myself on Thursday. Then there is the soda which I love. I love its fizzy wonderfulness. To help with this ball and chain I started drinking diet cranberry juice. To sparkle that up a bit I started adding Sprite Zero…a half and half mix. Seems to be satisfying the soda monkey on my back, however, I have splurged when out at the movie. I get a small soda there but that is it. Also, back to chugging water since I realized I hadn’t been doing that as much I had while I lived on camp. I would carry around my nalgene everywhere and would drink at least two whole nalgenes full of water every day.  

I am sick of wearing “camp clothes” because they are the only ones that fit. Baggie cargo pants, t-shirts, and sweatshirts have been my uniform and I am so over it. I have lots of lovely clothes but they just don’t fit. I am not buying anything new!!! That’s for damn sure. I will get back into my favorite pair boot cut jeans and be able to wear my awesome pea coat before winter is over.

I’m going hard core…like Biggest Loser hard core (or close to it). I’m going to do what I can without a gym or a trainer since I cannot afford either of those. So, I am building up to that for one week then it is going to be balls out. On Thursday I ate 3 extremely healthy meals and worked out for 1 hour. On Friday I again ate 3 healthy meals, worked out for an hour in the morning, and an hour in the afternoon. Today is Saturday and I worked out for one hour and then walked a mile.

So this coming Thursday after keeping up this mild routine I will weigh myself in the morning and then increase the work out. I am going to try and maintain 2 - 1 hour workouts and 2-3 mile walk every day. That is the plan anyways. I will try to blog once every week about it…hopefully on Thursday s. I’m excited that I have my friend Gail to text about it. We are going to be sending each other positive text back and forth.

My hope is that I lose 40 pounds by the beginning of March. The first “goal” is 20lbs in 30 days. I hope that isn’t unrealistic. I’ll see where I land on the first weigh in I guess and then go from there.

The issue of weight is a weighty thing. I don't want it to become who I am. It is heavy on the body and twice as heavy on the soul.